Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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