The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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