and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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