But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
