I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
