she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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