I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
