I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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