Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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