I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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