escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
