Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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