I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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