Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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