No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
