Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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