My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
