i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
