after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
