mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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