you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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