The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
handjob tips. give me some.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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