I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
