remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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