im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
