Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found your dick twin last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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