Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
