just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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