Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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