I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have aggressive nipples.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
