no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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