my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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