Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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