I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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