he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
