He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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