i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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