Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
