Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
