i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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