Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
