I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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