I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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