Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
