dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
