Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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