In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
