I feel like abortions should bother me more
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
