He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
