look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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