I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't notice because vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
