Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
