she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
