I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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