Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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