Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
