I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
