...so i touched it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
