I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
