my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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