Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
