Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
