im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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