I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
