i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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