he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
