he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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