He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
