so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
