so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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