I'm lost and stupid without you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
