I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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