i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
