that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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