i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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