I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
