you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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