All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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