Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
