weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
