hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
